


Do Your Worst (If You Can)

by crieffs



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post Reichenbach, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crieffs/pseuds/crieffs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It never was a set decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Your Worst (If You Can)

It never was a set decision. He never felt any overtaking fear. 

 

(or remorse or pain or anything at all really.)

 

It would happen without thought.

 

He found himself there when he had finished doing the washing up after a dinner with Harry, or watching a documentary on the migration patterns of Canadian geese. It was during mindless tasks that he could flush his thoughts away in.

 

The next thing he knew he would be there. In the chair. With the cool metal in his hands.

 

(Again.)

 

It was not intentional. It was never intentional. He never meant to end up with his index finger testing on the trigger. With the cool tip pressed lightly to his lips. A kiss from grim, indifferent, machine. (Cold, swift, release.) 

 

 He thinks about the blood that will shatter along the wall. He thinks about how Sherlock's blood pooled from his temple that day. Like a rose peddles pooling from his gentle bush of curls. (Inky, red soaked, shattered) A constant reminder of how helpless John really was. 

 

Sometimes in these moments He thinks about how Sherlock use his gun to litter the walls with holes. (One, two, bang, bang , bang, five.) 

 

John begins to laugh slowly with growing intensity,  until the gun is discarded next to his sob ridden shaking body. (Heaving, throbbing) Cries from a long hollowed heart and open chest. 

 

 

He would be doing the washing up alone.

(Again, again, again.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written in an emotional state at 3 AM one night, completely un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine. Based on the song "Don't Do It" By Sharon Van Etten.


End file.
